Mood Swings !

A very common thing among humans but very contributive in defining the success and failure for them. Sometimes, it so happens that we are in a mood swing and we are not able to recognise it.

As of now, if I analyse my life of last 7 months, I will recognise a swinging pattern in my activities. Though my every activity was directed towards my ultimate goal of "sketching out a better future for myself" but my each activity had deviations from this mean line.

Now that is very normal. So what is the new thing that I am trying to put forth??

Recently, during a placement option in JP Morgan, one of my friends said - yaar engineer banke bhi ek bank mein kaam karenge to chaar saal ki padhai waste hi hai na...engineering degree is a waste.

I tried to convince him that it is just a graduation, we are not yet engineers so it hardly matters which job u adopt.

The next thing he said really shooked me.
He said - tu kya bolega jab log tujhse poochenge:
-beta engineering kaha se ki? 'ji BITS Pilani'
-are waah!! kis branch mein? 'Electronics'/'mechanical'/'computer science' etc.
-kaha job kar rahe ho? 'JP Morgan'
-are waah!! kya kaam karte ho? 'transactions processing'

Meaning that I will be simply pushing buttons on a system on someone's orders when he/she wants me to perform a transaction.
Best part: I will be transacting in billions daily
Worst part: It is a clerikal job

This conversation has been haunting me day n night. And after this, I am pondering over what I had been doing since July 08; I had been moulding myself to fit for the market needs.

Agreed, that all of us need to do that at some point or the other but why do we lose our identities? Why do we stop pursuing what really interests us? Why are we least bothered about what we have studied or rather what has been taught to us till now?

Why an X with qualification of an engineer tries to get involved into something where he cannot utilize his knowledge gathered over a period of 4 years?

Agreed that after 12th, 90% of youth is directed by their guardians/parents regarding their career. But, isn't that a wrong methodology?

We are forced to aim for the hot seats in IIT, BITS, NIT IIIT etc.
How much do we know of market scenario or of our interests? What is the guarantee that once an engineer will always be an engineer? And yes we do see people diverting from the field; even completely quitting it.

After graduation, scenario does not get better at all.
We are a herd of sheep following what OTHERS do. Our business is not what we should do but what the majority is doing.
We are again made clear that there are only limited prospects: CAT, GATE, GRE, GMAT etc.

Even I could not escape from this herd and am still a part of this herd.
I went for hell of MBA entrance examinations; nothing happened.
For placements, left my mechanical text books to study C programming for companies in IT sector: nothing happened.
Again diverted myself from IT to finance and studied hell of it: nothing happened.

What next?
How many transfers do I need to go through before I find success?

My dad says - That is the way it is. You look for every option available.

If that is the case, then I must say that we are losing the power to focus.

We, who are always addressed as the drivers of the future of India, are being driven as per the moment.

Lethargic day, dwelling and dweller

My day started on a PJ note...it seemed the day was going to be charming, beautiful, energetic and happy. But what seems to be, does not actually turn out to be. The clock has not even ticked 12 of noon and I had realised that it is going to be a sad, lethargic, useless, non-profitable day. I tried to lift up the spirit of the day but my every effort was failed. It failed for I was not ready to accept that MY day is going to be so bad. Caps because I like being with friends, joking, chatting, pulling leg, enjoying movies, laughter challenges...but today was completely changed.

My placements are going to begin from 22nd January. 155 people have registered for the company and needless to say, hardly [5% of the total] are going to be selected. The current situation is the strongest evidence for that claim. I know I must study but as I picked the book, it started feeling boring and dejected. I would have tried group study, I know, but I also know that I was not interested in studying and so it was no point in wasting time of those who are really working hard.

At a point of time in the day, I was sparkled by something. A current ran through me when it happened. I am sorry, I cannot tell you what happened but it was the most coveted thing of the day to happen for me. But it did not last long. I did not have enough time to connect to it. As time vanished, so did the sparkle!

How amazing it is to see that some'thing' can actually revert your mood! Moreover, when it happened I was actually expecting it would not happen. But it did and changed that moment for me...but just the moment, not the day. Had it lasted longer than it did, it would have definitely changed the day for me :)

The day is still on. It is evening and I still have atleast 6 hours to get rid of...oops...spend.
I intend no pun through this. I wrote what came through my heart.

Ho-Ho !

How time changes ! From the time of our forefathers when we celebrated religion-specific festivals, till today when due to globalisation we find reason to be happy in any festive season ! We have come a long way :)

It is Christmas ! The birth of Lord Jesus ! The time of gifts and goodies ! The time of expecting surprises ! Few of us get lucky everytime ! :)

It is winter ! The season to have every reason for hugging, holding hands, cuddling ! The season to have every reason to lie in blankets and be happy ! The season to put on as many clothes as possible so that even a lean looks stud ! The season when you actually want to feel close to ones whom you care about !

I belive, winter is the season for you ! Yes, for you not to tell but show how close you are and want to be to your family, friends and love ! [loves for many of you ;)] It is a season when the warmth of a relationship adopts its literal meaning.

It is my season. I love this season and always want to be at a chilled place during this period of the year...do NOT suggest a REFRIGERATOR plz, for it will be the worst of the PJ's at this moment !

Definitely I do not want to be alone as well. I wish to be close to those who love me. That is how I like to enjoy this winter and every other coming in future.

This season, superficially may be a season of 0 degrees but in spirit this season is responsible to feel the warmth of a relationship - literally.

Especially, this year I am excited about this season for it has some add-on with it. I feel it. :)

Make a Wish ! Enjoy Winters ! Merry Christmas ! Happy New Year ! :)

The current state: Blank

Date: 22nd December 2008

Time: 2:30 p.m.

I hate this part of the day when I am at home all alone. Moreover, electricity is gone and the usb modem that connects me to internet is also not with me. I have some exams approaching but my preparation is not delivering me satisfactorily results. I am dragged down-to-earth every time I give a test and every time I am high on adrenaline while preparing. It is like a sine curve or a cosine curve. Thus average comes to be x = 0; on the Euclidian plane. No, not a tangent curve, never been to infinity.

I am not disappointed but belittled in myself, yet I am not depressed. I see opportunities in every failure. I see motivation to try harder. I have faith in myself for I know I am sent here for some purpose. The doubt is, whether my real purpose and my expectation of what that purpose actually is, are same.

Theese days there is a new sensation in my life that keeps tingling my emotions. I do not know what does it want from me? Clueless!  Baffled! Though, it does not come face to face but it keeps disturbing me. It is not that I do not like it. I love it. I become enthusiastic everytime it tingles me. I play with it. I try to give it back the same sensation. Everytime it brings some memories which I cherish.

But, I am tired of this hide n seek. I like to be straight in everything. I sometimes do not understand hints and moreover, I do not have a helpline. The situation is very delicate. I am not at all sure how to handle it. Yet, I keep trying various ways.

The reason for my motivation and faith, for I being high on adrenaline, is this sensation.

hmmm...for the first time I am not getting words to describe my situation. I want to talk this out to the one causing this sensation but fate is never in favour of it. Let guts alone.

The extreme of this situation may be indicated by the following fact:

In this extreme winter, when shiver runs down the body of a human, I am not feeling the coldness of the weather. I more often feel warm in the innerself. Moreover, sometimes my superficial is so cold, it seems as all my body warmth is directed to one single point, where my innerself resides.

Going Ahead !!

Allright !! It is time.

Yes this is my last week of PS2 and am !@#$%^&*() about it. That is a mixture of emotions. Well, undoubtedly, I am glad that PS2 is over, for I will not be bothered by the 'sitting ducks' anymore, not that they have bothered me too much but they did not bother me at all, that counts.

So here I leave the professional world (though for short time but who cares about time, collegiates have loads of it) to enter back into the college world, which I have been missing like anything; my friends, my room, hangouts, chats, DC !!

Oh Dear God !! I am so excited about it. But there is this !@#$%^&*() about my departure from Pune !!

Initially I did not like this place at all; crowded streets, noisy malls, luterey auto-waale, poor bus service, dust, pollution and so on.

But as time went by I gathered some things to admire like my coaching teachers whom I got along with very well, my coaching classmates (though only 6), some great moments with my roomies; birthdays, cycling trips, shouting n howling, teasing, playing cards, fun in movies, dinner time masti, BFL masti, late nitouts and loads more.

There are some more beautiful things that are yet to happen and so I am hoping for the best.

The point is, I do not want to go from this place. I want to hang out with my buddies here, want to make some new friends here, want to roam around with them, spend some quality time with those whom I want to be with.

For the first time in my complete life till now, I have felt responsible for my deeds, for the first time I earned some cash and spend it as per my wish, for the first time I had the right to be free, many things for the first time happened to me in this city and I do not want to part with them !!

But I guess what happens has to happen and you can only get carried away by them. And so, the week ahead I will be looking forward to some good things to happen with me.

I think that is what they call Going Ahead !! :)

Economics to Emotions

'If you want to get rich, you need to learn how to take risks. Learn to be an investor.'

I read these lines in a gain-financial-freedom conceptualised book. Though, I was reading an economics related book but couldn't restrain my thought process to spread its wings.

These lines stand very true in every aspect of knowledge that you wish to acquire. Not getting it? Ok. Let me make it more clear. How about rephrasing it as - If you want to gain, you will have to lose ? Though, the rephrase is not exploring every dimension the statement aspires to conquer, yet it is easier for a common man to understand.

'Rich' is not always associated with 'earning money' or 'gaining profits'. It is associated with 'addition to what one already possesses'.

'Risk' is not merely staking one's money with fingers crossed. It is associated with 'analysis and judgement from some observations'.

'Investor' is not the one who 'stakes money' but the one who 'stakes what one possesses'.

E.g. Consider a student who went to a school for the wish of his parents and studied for the wish of his teachers.

The investors

Student, Parents, Teachers and most importantly School authorities.

The investments

School authorities invested mind in planning out a good infrastructure, money in creating infrastructure, hiring teachers and maintaining the standards and trust in the students that they will utilize the infrastructure with respect and will be able to emerge as the leaders.

Teachers invested their knowledge, teaching skills, time, affection, care and also a small amount of trust that these students will become great human beings and never forget them.

Parents are the biggest investors. They invested their every moment in creating healthy surroundings for their child. They invested their every penny so that their ward gets what he/she deserves and what he/she needs to become deserving of something better in life. They invested their affection, prayers while their ward was out facing the world with his/her wits. They invested 'themselves' for the betterment of their child.

Student invests unknowingly in the initial stage. Later, he has gone so far that he stops accounting for the investments that he has made. He only counts the outcomes and is never satisfied, for he has never known the exact amount of investments made by him and so in pursuit of much more he thinks the investments to outcount the results.

The risks involved

School authorities fear the most of the bullies at school who continuously attempt to assault the institution's property, deliberately or not. There are some elements on which mortal being has no control e.g. natural assaults for which there is no option other than praying to God and asking Him for His mercifulness.

Teachers did not usually fear in past. They used to physically scold students and parents would have blamed the students for it without knowing the complete scene. But today it is not the same case. Once bitten twice shy. Today teacher thinks a lot many times before hitting some student, for parents are very careful of every scar that their ward gets. All due to only a few merciless teachers in institutions.

Talking sensibly, parents have no risks to take, as they admit. Their service is selfless. They expect nothing but affection in return, which in some circumstances is not given to them and yet they do not complaign.

Students are the biggest risk takers. They deliberately take risks and enjoy the adventure. Risk of not completing homework, risk of forging parents' signatures on teachers' remarks, risk of bunking classes and not getting caught by any authority and a lot more.

Who got Rich?? The biggest question. I suppose many blogs will go in writing who got rich in this scenario still we will not have reached even half way answering it. Hence, I will not attempt to answer the question but would definitely expect from you, the readers, to ponder over it.

Hint: Recall from the very first day when you first opened your eyes to this world.

A too much of an emotional encounter, I guess.

The Day

The morning began at 6:30 a.m. After morning ablutions I left for the center. It seemed a fine morning. It was different: the cool breeze, the timely luck factor in getting the bus to the destination, the sun hasn't rose yet, sky looked snowy. The travel was comfortable, except the bumpy jumps in the bus. I was not nervous, nor was I worried. For, the occasion had quite become a practice of every sunday, thanks to the coaching center's schedule.

So I reached the center and there were two noticeable things: a barricade at the entrance to avoid rush and a huge gate bearing the center's name on it. The buildings seemed to be arranged in an array, simple yet impressive. As I moved to my venue, I saw many faces: cute and nervous, confident, confused. But I did not know how my face looked like !! Perhaps, someone must have noticed.

I stood outside the entrance to the test venue. I looked around in an attempt to spot familiar faces but in vain. Most of them came with their parents or guardians; I felt lonely, though I was wearing a sweater but a cold breeze ran through me which shivered me. I made some calls, to my math faculty, my cousin. It really helped to have some familiar voice ringing in the ears.

Soon the gates were open, and we were let in. It was easy to spot the room. I occupied the location specified for me. You know, this is the time when you actually experience the taste of reservation, if you know what I mean.

Soon a voice was heard over speakers- The security guards must close the entrance to the building and shall allow no one henceforth. It was 10:00 a.m. Time flies by. Soon, he started blabbering various instructions. Though, I had them printed infront of me yet the old guy preferred reading them aloud; oh he was'nt reading them aloud, he was just reading them in front of a microphone.

It was 10:30 and we were now free to do whatever we can with the test paper in the next 2 hours and half, yet we had instructions to take special care of the answer sheet.

As I opened the question paper, I was expecting a total blackout but, to my surprise, I was wide awake in my mind. I was not nervous, nothing striked me like lightening. This thing, ofcourse, striked me. May be it was the effect of the sunday routine of mocks.

Well we all know for ourselves what happened to us in those 2 hours and half. Many of us scored, performed to someone's expectations and many of us just did what we could. There is nothing to repent about because we all did what we were supposed to do. Still, no doubt, I could have done better.

But let us keep those feelings aside for the moment and go in retrospection to see how did the day start. I told u how did mine start and as the day went by I realised that it was not the D-day for me !! My case is yet to be judged.

By the way, how did yours go, buddy ?