The current state: Blank

Date: 22nd December 2008

Time: 2:30 p.m.

I hate this part of the day when I am at home all alone. Moreover, electricity is gone and the usb modem that connects me to internet is also not with me. I have some exams approaching but my preparation is not delivering me satisfactorily results. I am dragged down-to-earth every time I give a test and every time I am high on adrenaline while preparing. It is like a sine curve or a cosine curve. Thus average comes to be x = 0; on the Euclidian plane. No, not a tangent curve, never been to infinity.

I am not disappointed but belittled in myself, yet I am not depressed. I see opportunities in every failure. I see motivation to try harder. I have faith in myself for I know I am sent here for some purpose. The doubt is, whether my real purpose and my expectation of what that purpose actually is, are same.

Theese days there is a new sensation in my life that keeps tingling my emotions. I do not know what does it want from me? Clueless!  Baffled! Though, it does not come face to face but it keeps disturbing me. It is not that I do not like it. I love it. I become enthusiastic everytime it tingles me. I play with it. I try to give it back the same sensation. Everytime it brings some memories which I cherish.

But, I am tired of this hide n seek. I like to be straight in everything. I sometimes do not understand hints and moreover, I do not have a helpline. The situation is very delicate. I am not at all sure how to handle it. Yet, I keep trying various ways.

The reason for my motivation and faith, for I being high on adrenaline, is this sensation.

hmmm...for the first time I am not getting words to describe my situation. I want to talk this out to the one causing this sensation but fate is never in favour of it. Let guts alone.

The extreme of this situation may be indicated by the following fact:

In this extreme winter, when shiver runs down the body of a human, I am not feeling the coldness of the weather. I more often feel warm in the innerself. Moreover, sometimes my superficial is so cold, it seems as all my body warmth is directed to one single point, where my innerself resides.